Confessions…

When I was a kid, I battled depression constantly, except I didn’t know what it was.  You see, I was “The Son of a Preacher Man” but without the happy ending.  As I am sure most preachers kids endured the same internal battles to a degree as I did, mine was a little different.  I had a disease, an illness, an abomination and depravity of God…I was dying in sin.  A disease that could only be cured by prayer, anointment and a rigorous religious regime.  A disease that left me hopeless, hell bound and impure.  A disease that made me feel isolated and alone, shunned and shameful.  An unequivocal manifestation of sin in human form, to be classed in the same category as the child molesters and mentally deranged.  God was the only entity that could intervene and spare my life from such a disgusting inner leprosy.  I was gay.

As a child, I thought I had only two choices to make, which haunted me from an early age to early adulthood.  I could ask the lord for forgiveness, denounce my sexuality and live a life of Christianity, never being true to myself.  The other option, choose to be true to who I was internally, “GAY”, and live a life of sin with the undoubted truth that I was condemned to hell.  As a child, I tried desperately to find a peace within myself, a peace that never existed.  As I sit here now, crying, I am coming to terms with one simple fact…

No one ever told me it was OK.   So in practicing a technique that my therapist shared with me regarding the healing of ones inner self, I am reaching out to myself at the age of six.

“Curtis, I know you are scared, I know you are confused, I know you are torn, I know you feel a lone, I know you are hurting but I am here to tell you that it’s OK.  You’re not sick, you are not going to hell, you are not diseased.  You are a normal six year old kid with more energy than I have ever seen, In fact I wish I could have some of it myself, now at age 32.  You see, you grow up to be a man, a lost man, but a man indeed.  All of things you feel now will lessen in time and you will become strong willed, smart, knowledgeable and creative.  You’re six, you do not need the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Even though you think that boy is cute, it’s a not bad thing…it’s normal.  26 years from now, being gay won’t be such a big deal and your parents will even accept you knowing the truth. ”

I wish that when I was six, I could have had a future visit from myself, to reassure me about what was happening.  That doesn’t happen outside of the movies but it works when you go back in your heart and in your mind to tell yourself, it’s OK.

On-wards to grade eight I go.

 

“Curtis, this year has been a big for you.  You came out, probably not the wisest way but it doesn’t matter, cause it’s OK.  I know you feel more lost now then you did the last time we talked, but it’s OK.  You’re a teenager, you’re going through puberty, you’re discovering your body and how it works.  Your hormones are all over the place…it’s not dirty, it’s not wrong…it’s normal.  This happens to every boy your age, gay or straight.  Yes, I know you’re gay, and it’s OK.  Mom and Dad are doing their best with what they know how, don’t blame them.  They are ignorant but it isn’t their fault.  You have anger towards them for making you go see a Christian Psychologist, he isn’t helping you..but it’s OK.  I know he’s telling you that it’s only a sin if you act on it, I know that’s not what you need to hear.  So I am telling you, that’s it never a sin, it’s who you are and God loves you anyway.  I know you hate him…but don’t, even though as a doctor he should have known better, don’t let his ideals have power over you.  He’s a kook.  I know you have crushes on boys in your class, that’s completely normal.  It’s OK.”

 

Typing through tears, never an easy task.  This is only the beginning, but already I feel a little better.  Telling my younger self that it’s OK is hard, because years of self persecution and torment have really messed me up on the inside.  The purpose is to show yourself kindness, something none of us do very well.  I decided to share this a blog post because it’s a journey I know I must do and one that may inspire you to look inside, forgive yourself and start being kind to the one that matters…you.

Just so you know…I forgive you.

Advertisements

Depression. The Sad Truth! Blog Series on Mental Health Part 4

Roles of Technology

****

Cortisone (/ˈkɔrtɨsoʊn/ or /ˈkɔrtɨzoʊn/; 17-hydroxy-11-dehydrocorticosterone) is a 21-carbon steroid hormone. It is one of the main hormones released by the adrenal gland in response to stress.  It elevates blood pressure and prepares the body for a fight or flight response.

Has technology rendered you incapable of maintaining your own mental regularity?  Has it played a factor in how our bodies deal with depression, stress and upsets?

The only time the stress chemical cortisone released itself in early days of civilization, and upwards to the nineteenth hundreds, was when you were being attacked or encountered dangerous wildlife.  One could say that depression and stress were not huge factors in mental health for early settlers as life was simplistic and straightforward.  There were illnesses, as there are now and there were also mental disorders, but not anywhere near the scale we see in the 21st century.

With the invention of the movie theatre, the television, the internet, the cell phone and then the almighty smart phone, we have become plagued by over-stimulation.  We have also saw an increase in options throughout the decades with the foods we could purchase, the types of clothing, fashion, soap, detergent, electronics, décor and vehicles.  You would think this would make our lives better; we could exist with little to no stress because of it.  You would be wrong!  Over Stimulation!  Our bodies were not designed to experience this kind of multifaceted environment where every choice is a taxing element on our mental well-being.  Some people can function just fine while others suffer damaging effects on their bodies and mind.

Today, Cortisone is released in to our bodies daily!  We get up in the morning and we go about our lives experiencing over stimulation at every turn we take.  On the way to work in the morning, we feel a rise in our stress because the traffic is too thick.  We get to work and realize there is a new pile on your desk that we hadn’t accounted for.  Companies pushing for higher production, increased accuracy, efficiency and systems that seem to always malfunction.  We place so much emphasis on the technology in our lives that when they stop working properly; we get frustrated and irate.  Electronics that are meant to make our lives easier have caused a decline in our mental capabilities.

Years ago, before cars were mainstream, a person would have to ride a horse, horse and carriage or just simply walk to work or wherever they were going.  As a person, they knew how their body worked and how long it would take them to get to their destination; besides a familiar face along the way they could continue to go at their desired speed.  There were no street signs, traffic lights, cross walks or sidewalks; just a dirt road and your own two legs.  There were no disappointments, as the person depended solely on himself to do what had to be done.  Today, we leave for work at a time that we believe will allow enough time to get there.  If there is an accident on the highway, immaculate congestion or road work that slows the flow of traffic to a near stop, we begin to get upset.  Stressed because you are going to be late for work, frustrated because we should have left earlier and accounted for such a thing.  All the while, the person who walked to work, just walked right past you, whistling a tune, getting regular exercise and experiencing no rise in blood pressure and stress.

Back in the early days when work was finished they walked back home, giving them more than enough time to unwind from their busy day.  The farmer had time to let his muscles relax, the store clerk had enough time to quickly go over what was needed to be done the next day and the accountant had enough time to clear all the numbers out of his head.  Maybe they had horses and carriages, and rode them as opposed to walk, but imagine yourself on either and tell me that the stress levels would have been anywhere near the rush hour traffic you have to deal with today.  They arrived at home to children who listened, a wife who had prepared a hot meal and delightful conversation about their day.  They probably sat around the fire, chatted and enjoyed the family life.  Then off to bed, nice and early, to sleep a restful sleep and get up the next morning to do it all over again.

Today, after our stressful day at work, we rush out the door because we have to go grab the kids at soccer practice while fighting our way through traffic.  We have the after school program calling your cell because you are late to pick up your children, while your spouse is beeping in on the other line to give you a list of things she needs, at 4 different stores, for the kids school trip tomorrow.  You remembered there was an email you had to send out before you left work so you are trying to write that out on your blackberry, while you are stuck at a red light that is taking forever to change.  Your daughter is text messaging you to ask if she can go buy new soccer shoes after practice tonight while your car’s gas light just came on.  Sound familiar?

Just a normal day in the lives of society!  We do all this to finally arrive at home where there is no dinner waiting and you have to microwave a pizza just to feed the kids.  You grab a beer or cooler from the fridge; you try and begin your unwinding from the day.  Your spouse gets home, there is a moment of hello, how was your day?  Potentially a kiss and then it’s her turn to run around and get everything ready for the next day.  The clothes taken out, the lunches packed and the permission slips signed for the school outing she called you about earlier.  By this time, you are in the living room watching a copper program on the tube, having another beer and still trying to unwind.  You head to bed where you are either experiencing delayed street syndrome or you pass out simply from exhaustion.  Either way, unless your body has crashed you are going to have a restless night sleep, a series of dreams and a wake up that is less than desirable.  You wake up groggy, irritable and finding yourself having to force yourself out of bed to get your day started.  All the while the man who walked or took a horse home and spent a few hours with his family had a normal restful sleep to arise fully awake and ready to start the day.

It is a vicious cycle that we have been living constantly for years and it is only getting worse.  I mentioned above about how all of the options a person has to choose from in our modern day; do you think they had these 25, 50, 75 or 100 years ago?   No!  If a person was going to the store then and they needed flour, rice, milk and eggs there was not 4 or 5 options of each item they could purchase.  There was no decision to be made except they needed flour, rice, milk and eggs.  They would walk in, choose those items and then check out.  Groceries then not only cost less money but also cost less time.

Think about crackers for a moment and think about a time you felt a craving or required crackers because you had guests that were coming over.  Now think about how long it took you to figure out which would be the best crackers to purchase.  I, myself have been in a position where I needed crackers and couldn’t decide which ones would be best.  I mean there are at least 30 different types of crackers a normal grocery store has to offer.  I would stand there mulling over the options;  salted tops, 30% less sodium, crunchy, soft, round, square, top-able or dip-able.  You would call your significant other and weigh in their opinion and then because you know you are in a hurry would grab a box that looked good and head to the cash.  Some of us have walked to the cash and held the box in our hand and stared at it, imagining those crackers in use at our gathering and have then decided that it wasn’t the best choice.  We then head back to the cracker aisle and try and make another quick choice.  Some of us have purchased multiple kinds because we couldn’t make the choice.  Do you think 100 years ago they did that?  Or even 50?  No!  They needed crackers so they went and bought the only crackers they could find.

How much time and mental energy was wasted on that small task?  Too much!  The same goes for any other grocery option.  It is rare to find a product that has only one option these days unless you are a celiac or allergic to wheat.

How many of us suffer from over stimulation and we don’t even know it?  How many of us have had restless night’s sleep for so long it has become the norm and we don’t know why?  I will tell you why!  Over stimulation!  We have allowed technology to completely over-run our lives and our precious time has been stripped from us.  We listen to music before bed, we watch the television or we are on our computers surfing the net and it is all stimulating your brain at a time your brain would naturally begin to wind down.

I challenge you to try something for one week.  Two hours before you go to bed each night turn off your televisions, radios and your computers.  Keep the lights in your house dimmed or use soft lamp light to illuminate the rooms.  Putter around the house, maybe folding some laundry, cleaning dishes or preparing dinner for the next day.  Sit with your children, spouses or roommates and talk about life.  Make small talk!  Make sure you are not worrying or stressed about anything because more than likely there is nothing you can do about it at that moment anyway.  Pretend you are lifting it from your head and put it in a drawer, close the drawer and walk away, telling yourself you will pick that up in the morning.  Take your thumb and message your palms, breaking down the stress that exists there.  Putter some more until it is bedtime and then crawl in to bed, making sure not to turn on any bright lights during the process.  Once in bed think about all the things you are grateful for, smile and take a deep breath and then exhale.  Close your eyes and allow yourself to slip off to a restful place.  Do this for seven days straight and you will see a considerable difference in your moods, interactions and overall mental health.

You would be surprised how well this works and how your sleeping habits will improve.  I’m not saying that you should get rid of all technology because to be honest it is the world we live in.  So much of our lives depend on technology and it is the direction in which we are continuously heading.  What I am saying is that we need to make note of how it is affecting us on a daily basis and maybe wheel back our complete dependency a little.  Only allow it for an hour a night or keep the phone turned off while at home.  Spend time with your family reading books, talking, telling stories and having fun outside.  Keep it turned off close to bedtime to allow your mind to wind itself down.

Depression. The Sad Truth! Blog Series on Mental Health Part 3

 

Depression in History

****

Roles of Society

****

 

It is safe to say society has played a significant role in the development of anxiety and depression.  It is hard to deny its influence on humanity’s way of thinking, acting and his/her belief system.  Take a moment and ask yourself, am I over weight and unhappy because I want to be thin and fit?  Why?  Is it because you believe it is the way you should be?  Why?  Why is that your belief?  What fuels the belief that you will become a better version of yourself if you were to lose weight and tone up?  Where does that come from?  You could argue, that is, simply the way life is.

Humans are superior beings with high levels of intellect but somehow, we cannot think for ourselves.  We cannot separate ourselves from the programming that has happened throughout history.  Think about this.  Someone, somewhere, at some point, decided that someone, who had less than them, were lesser beings because of it.  You can trace this back throughout history.  I wonder what took place, who was involved and what emotions this person felt to conclude this ideal.  Power!  The feeling that has corrupted the world since the beginning and has poisoned humankind.  Somewhere, power was first felt; the ability to overcome another, releasing chemicals in the brain and an addiction formed.  The stage was set.

An argument could be made that it began with Neanderthals and the art of survival.  Two primitive men fighting over the proverbial piece of meat. One would be sustained and one would die.  Could it have been that moment of success that has driven the reach for power throughout history itself?  A learned behavior that has aided the kings to throne and thrones to kingdoms?  The ability to elevate oneself to an esteemed role that weaker, lesser beings would then follow with awe and obedience.  They would follow blindly, as the people in power were superior because they “were” in power.  They obeyed to receive proper treatment and to avoid falling on the power’s rapacious side; survival became the art of compliance.  Finding your own, left to those who defied ideals of others and fought to secure their place as warriors and free thinkers.

Being a free thinker would be considered an act of treason, defiance against the rulers.  A punishment suited best by being cast out, murdered or publicly executed.  It was not allowed!  Think about this, a truth to power and its workings.  The free thinker found inner power to think freely but his thoughts wouldn’t have gained idealistic power without the followers that imbued him with it.  Without followers, a free thinker would have been deemed insane; often many were.  Rulers only took notice if they thought the ideals of the radical would jeopardize their stance within the kingdom.  Then public execution was the means in which to regain control over those who chose to follow the radical.

Power has been the heroin to the human race, since its early discovery to our present day.  There are wars over power today as there were thousands of years ago,  However, power does not exist without you, because the power exists within you!  We choose in which we endow our power and allow it then to have power over us; but it starts within us.

Let us ask ourselves, once again, why we desire to be thin and fit!  Why does it feel, deeply rooted within us, how it is we should be?  Where has that feeling come from?  Is it our own? Is it a form of societal brain washing that has been underwritten within our mental DNA?

Looking back during the renaissance and the paintings that depicted women during that time, what do you see?  Many plus size women who are seen as sexy.  A time where god given bodies were accepted and sought after.  Fast forward to the Victorian era where women would suffocate themselves, to achieve the smallest waistlines possible to appear sexy and alluring; striving to cinch their waists to merely twelve inches.  Then again in the fifties, curvy pin ups were the epitome of sex appeal, and now since the sixties, eating disorders have ballooned because women strive to be the thinnest they can possibly be.

One person, then another, then another and then the majority of the population gravitates to what is believed to be the hierarchy of perfection.  Women who put their power in an ideal and then allow that power to control them.  It is learned behavior!  Years of constant misinterpretation of power being absorbed and believed to be one’s own mentality. It isn’t to say that being fit isn’t a better choice for health and life sustaining reasons, but being thin isn’t!  One can be extraordinarily fit and healthy without being a size zero.

Each day we look in a mirror and because we do not see a magazine figure staring back at us, we feel inferior, less attractive and less alluring then the Giselle’s of the world.  You allow yourself to feel that way!  It is only you who can put a stop to that form of thinking.

History has fueled the epidemic of self-loathing and it continues to do so on a much larger scale than previous decades.  We are enveloped in a world of social media that delivers these ideals twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  The message is inescapable; you need to be something better then who you are to have worth.  20 years ago this could be avoided, now these messages can be sent to wherever you are, directly to your phone.  We live and work with technology that has allowed easier access to almost everything.  Apps that make life convenient; programs that take the “Think” out of everything.  Our minds have become weak and incapable of dealing with our thoughts, there’s an app for everything.  We are no longer forced to preserve sharp minds and maintain clarity.  If tired, skip the bank lines and transact online.  If running behind, purchase movie tickets on a mobile app.

The topic of technology raises many discussions on the role it plays in our mental health.  Have our minds become indolent?  Are we overstimulated?  Is technology beneficial to us or is it impeding our ability to regulate our mental well-being?

 

NaNoWriMo Roundup: Seasoned Authors Share their Secrets

This is my first NaNoWriMo and I am so user excited. It’s going to be a really fun month.

The Daily Post

At the stroke of midnight tonight, aspiring writers everywhere will take a deep breath. One second later, their blank screens won’t be blank any longer — for quite a while.

November 1st marks the start of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). The annual fiction extravaganza will bring together more than 200,000 writers this year, first-timers and pros alike, each committed to hammer out 50,000 words of sparkling fiction over the course of the month.

Have you signed up but feeling queasy about taking the plunge? Are you still not sure if making the commitment is right for you? Here to give you expert advice are five veteran NaNo authors: they each leveraged their NaNoWriMo project into a published novel (some more than once!), and they all also happen to be active WordPress.com bloggers. You’re in good hands.

View original post 1,478 more words

Depression. The Sad Truth! Blog Series on Mental Health Part 2

We all experience depression in our lives, a natural human reaction when something has been taxing our minds for an abnormal amount of time.  A job going nowhere, finances and relationship woes.  As an adult, depression can render us incapable of taking a hold of our lives.  During my childhood, depression existed throughout my teen years, as it does for many.  Bullied at school, the playground and misunderstood at home; I had very little self-confidence and less self esteem.  I thought I was worthless and would never amount to anything.  My parents were ministers, my dad, was what I would call fanatical in his beliefs and it did not bode well for a child like myself.

I believed it was inescapable, without an outlet for my constant sorrow.  No one listened, no one cared.  I realize now it was untrue and later in life understood why I felt that way.  My parents loved me; there is no doubt about that.  They did the best they could with what they knew and who am I, to judge them.  Would I make the same mistakes as they did?  However, differently?  Would I handle the issues any better for my child?  I realized, that although loved as a child, I needed to be loved a different way.  Whose lap, could that blame possibly fall on?  Depression was the only way I knew how to deal.  Throughout life, I blamed everyone other than myself for my shortcomings.  I rarely took internal inventory, no knew how, to understand my only shortcoming in life, was myself.

Through study, soul-searching and deep analysis of my inner self, I un-raveled the mysteries surrounding my own inability to rise above the steep slope of sadness.  A tiny ray of light shone through the unsettling ash within my core that eradicated, the ideals of helplessness.  A moment of transparency flooded the well of darkness and revealed a notion that palpitated my very foundation of belief.  “There was no cure for depression.”

Disconcerting as it may sound, I unveiled a truth. To cure depression one must cure sadness.  Happiness cannot exist without sadness; therefore, indifference would dominate humanity.  Many of us live in a state of numbness, unmoved by the rippling river of life.  Numbness is a form of suppression, a cousin to depression.  We flip the switch to life, its ups and its downs, in hopes to preserve our sanity.  We simply choose not to feel.  Feeling, would be accepting that life can be difficult and often without happiness.  Whomever said life was easy, never felt “our” sadness.

Depression is within us.  It co-exists with our ability to feel and to emote.  Depression is a classical lie we tell ourselves, an explanation of inability to own our own emotions.  Life is experiences enveloped in emotion.  A car accident, a negative experience because of fear, shock, sadness, worry and disbelief.  An accomplishment, a positive experience because of happiness, contentment, satisfaction and fulfillment.  Life, an assemblage of emotions encased within our consciousness, can dethrone a king from the castle of his mind.  Yet if there were no emotion, how would humanity differentiate from what is good and what is bad?  How would we know enjoyment or discomfort?

There is an emotion tag appended to everything that happens throughout our lives.  We have trained our brains to label every moment with an emotion whether good or bad.  Sadness, labelled bad, because we have told ourselves so.  We seek happiness because we believe we have to strive for it.  How about just being?  Experiencing life as it happens, embracing emotions as they come along.  If we did not feel emotion then would we not feel alive?  Emotions tend to pass and cycle through our consciousness.  Something that can make you happy today, may make you sad tomorrow.  Why is a happy day the only day considered a good day?  Why is a sad day not deemed a good day also?  It is a day in which we feel, we are alive and experiencing life.  Why is it that if we experience sadness for a week or two, we label it depression?  Why consider depression any worse than sadness?  Why is it sadness can go unnoticed when occurring sporadically; and then, become an issue when it is perpetual?

There are two types of definitive depression; Situational and Clinical.  Clinical depression can be convoluted at times.  I have suffered from it for years and can testify that it can make the premise of this blog harder to swallow.  I will speak more on clinical depression in another post.  “Clinical depression, a capacity of unprocessed functionality hindering the creation and release of the necessary chemicals required for optimal mental welfare.”

All of humanity should participate on an even playing field but for some of us; drug use, improper dieting and/or genealogical factors have depleted our pre-determined supply of serotonin and other vital chemicals that sustain mental regulation.  My clinical depression stems primarily through previous drug use and genealogy.  Medication, once one is found to be effective, helps re-establish our chemical deficiencies and re-instates our even playing field.  A chemical imbalance impedes a clear mindset that is required to own ones emotions and retrain our brain to operate at optimal performance.  I have been, effectively medicated, for seven years and have restored my chemical imbalance and corrected the normal operations of my brain functionality.  However, with medication, depression and sadness have remained a part of normal living.  The medications is not at fault, nor is it the fault of essential brain chemicals but rather the way I think, my thought patterns and how I deduce what is happening in my life.

How long have you suffered?  How long will you continue to suffer?  This is entirely up to you.  How long I allowed myself to suffer and fall victim to myself, was entirely up to me.  To be honest, it took a long time for me, and I had become accustomed to the feeling of defeat.  I accepted that depression was who I was and that I would suffer for the rest of my life.  Then I realized, at least one part of that was truth.  Depression was me; I am letting it happen, I allowed it to happen all along and only I could change it.

The first bit of information that I hope you find useful; Depression is you, you are letting it happen, you have allowed it to happen this long and only you can change it.

Don’t put the click the “X” because you disagree!  Continue reading because my truth may be your truth and I will tell you why.

Therapists, counselors, psychologist and psychiatrists listen to our thoughts, analyze them and make suggestions as to why we feel the way we feel.  I have tried them all and where I found answers was with a counselor.  My community has a federally funded mental outreach center available to anyone who requires guidance. They are not available as a once a week crutch, they exist to help as long as “NEEDED”.  They believe a short-term model is more effective as long-term models cripple humanities mental abilities; which you see quite often with the PhD’s.  PhD’s earn their living on our inability to own our emotions.  Long term counselling enables the patient and conveys that they require the PhD’s to function within society.

The counsellor gave me tools to fix myself.  Easy, broken down truths on how to become a mental warrior and take back the life I let slip away..  What I learned, is that you need to “OWN” your life and not allow your life to “OWN” you!

What does that mean you ask?  Simple!  If you are obese, then “OWN” it.  If you are poor then “OWN” it.  If you are a single mother with three kids and work two fulltime jobs to make ends meet, “OWN” it.  It is not ideal, but you need to accept who you are in this moment and “OWN” it, because it is yours!  Your battles are your own, they belong to no one else and when it counts, no one else will stand and fight them for you.  No one can!

It is lonely inside ourselves, for within we stand alone; no one can fight our emotional battles for us.  Counsellors can help strategize but it is up to us to put them in to play, take on the forces and aim for victory.  “I’m not strong enough,” you say.  Well I am telling you, you are!  Stop lying to yourself; own your life, own your mind and stand up to “yourself”.  Each day isn’t how we feel but how we choose to feed our moods with our thoughts.  Become a thought warrior and fight for your life.  It is up to you to reprogram yourself, overcome and dominate your depression.

 

Depression. The Sad Truth! Blog Series on Mental Health Part 1

Depression: P-Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than warranted by any objective reason.

What are you feeling right now as you are reading this sentence? What is your mood?  Ask yourself; why you started reading this blog post?

I imagine the reason is because you have been suffering from depression and you want answers, you long for reason where reason does not exist.  You experience sadness, dejection and despair and you are hoping this blog might help lift the clouds in which you live.  Maybe there is a void within you; that you want to fill.  A darkness present where you dream light would exist!

I myself have been there, many a time and for many years. I would quite often spend my days going through the motions, simply trying to get by, until bedtime.  You are not alone!  Millions of others experience the same feelings you are having right now.  You, like myself, have searched high a low to understand what is wrong with you and how you can fix yourself.  I have picked up many a book, read articles, sought counseling and guidance to try to figure out what renders me so sad.

This blog is about my personal journey through life, through sadness, through darkness and most importantly, through me.  I have written the truths I found along my way and the psychological facts I accepted because of them.  For so long I suffered, fell victim to my inner most feelings, core beliefs and emotions.  My inner genius is a heart for others, to teach and to guide people to healthier mental versions of themselves.

The content of this book isn’t magic and although while reading, you may experience a few “ah ha” moments, it takes a lot work, discipline and change to help yourself be a mental warrior. Nothing happens overnight, change takes time and patience.  It took me years to come to the point where I surrendered to change, but only a few months to begin implementing them and living it.

I write this blog in hopes as many people who will read it can emancipate themselves as I have.  Join me in my story and tell your friends to follow as well as I lay it out as I have come to know it, myself.